I like looking at old photos of people. Although they may label it the “ugly phase” of their life, I feel those pictures are the most genuine. No amount of extreme derpiness in one photo can negatively affect my feelings in anyway, if anything my feelings may grow deeper.
She’s been showing me pictures of her old selfies and they’re so adorable. They make me wish that I was part of her life at that time. The past will always remain a big part of your being. From dropping a pencil at a random moment to taking your first steps, no matter how small the action the effects of those tiny moments end up to who you are at this very second. As for her past, I hope I’m one of the biggest parts, but I also hope that I don’t remain there. I hope that she continues to keep me in her life and not just have me as an old photo of who we were, but have me by her side and continue our lives and enjoy who we are.
Photos capture those moments that are now in the past, somewhat a time travelling device allowing you to relive every feeling and scent going on at that exact second. Sometimes we enjoy the moments too much and forget to capture it, having nothing to look back on. Other times we are too consumed to what is happening behind the lens that we forget to live a little. As for me, I need to start making physical copies of these historic moments of my life so I won’t lose site of them for my future.
I haven’t used this in so long. I had been so busy with the thought of falling in love that I forgot to document my own thoughts and growth along the way. No one probably checks up on me anyway so here goes..
Summer of 2013 began the chase. She’s an amazing girl that I had never thought about in such a way before then. That summer changed all my thoughts about her that I couldn’t exactly explain. I had never initially felt attracted to her in anyway, but finding out about the little things, from her dreams and her aspirations of becoming a graphic designer to her love of pandas and the color orange, everything about her just became beautiful to me the more I learned about her. I love girls with strange names and so far she’s the strangest of them all. She has a light to her that can only be explained by her persistence to keeping and cherishing all of her friendships, especially ours which became the most difficult as time passed. She’s a gift. I may not be a spiritually true faithful man, but if anything were to change that, it would be her. I believe that after all of these people being taken away from my life, God had aligned our stories and given me this gift. Although I do not know the whole journey of our paths, I do know that she’s here now. I had given her so many other roads to choose from, but she still chose the one that aligned with mine. I want to be selfish and keep her with me on this path but that’s something that she has to choose on her own. In the next few months she’ll be going through the biggest changes of her life and I can’t help but feel scared. I know many paths with align with hers at that moment and who knows what will happen to me. I’m scared that once my path goes towards a different direction it will only lead to a dark and scary place where I’d have to walk through alone again. I had been through that dark and scary place many times and although I know it’s something I cannot avoid, I am scared. I just hope that if I ever get near that dark and scary place, she’ll shine her light for me so that I may find my way back to her.
“A dog has no use for fancy cars, big homes, or designer clothes. A water log stick will do just fine. A dog doesn’t care if your rich or poor, clever or dull, smart or dumb. Give him your heart and he’ll give you his. How many people can you say that about? How many people can make you feel rare and pure and special? How many people can make you feel extraordinary?” - John Grogan, Marley & Me
In social issues class today our professor held up a black book and was like “this book is red” and we were all “no” and he said “yes it is” and we were just all “that’s not right” and he turned it around and the back cover was red and he said “Don’t tell somebody they’re wrong until you’ve seen things from their point of view”
that speaks to me